Super 8 gets a bad rap. The one we stayed in was quite nice – better than a Days Inn, not as nice as a Hampton…. But friendly, clean, and cheap! We even had a hot tub… plus they allow dogs with no weight limit and no extra fee, which was great for us. It was near a military base, Ft. Leonard Wood, in St. Robert, MO. So of course I took to calling it Ft. Robert Sean Leonard Wood because I couldn’t remember the name of it.

In the morning we set out for Chicago, passing through St. Louis and its famous arch. But first, we stopped at a Waffle House in Rolla, MO, which we chose because of its proximity to the Route 66 Totem Pole Trading Post. (Pics to come!) Now, I’m kind of obsessed with Rt. 66 for some reason, so any kitschy roadside stands are like a magnet for my car. But this Waffle House was a bastion of stereotypes: At one table was a couple of middle-aged ladies with bleach blonde hair, haphazardly done up in some kind of windblown, bedraggled updos; wearing flowered mumus, smoking B&Hs and speaking in phlegmy baritones. The booth next to them was straining to hold up two oversized gentlemen, one wearing a trucker hat and smoking, the other with one of those holes in the throat that you have to put your finger on to talk, and then you sound like Stephen Hawking with bronchitis – you know what I’m talking about? Mercifully, this fellow was not smoking. His more fortunate (so far) friend stubbed out his cigarette in his eggs and left just when our food came, so we were spared the secondhand tracheotomy.

I’m going to skip the whole unloading/unpacking saga… suffice it to say that Billy the Russian Mover and his muscular, sunglasses-wearing underling had a bad morning, as their truck broke down about a quarter mile from the apartment. And my mom has quite a job ahead of her – I got her some groceries and helped her get started with unpacking, but, well… you’ve seen Hoarders, right? Just imagine a spinoff: HOARDERS: MOVING DAY!!! Cue scary violin music.

The dog hair and dust were killing me, and there really wasn’t anywhere for me to sleep. Plus I was itching (literally) to get back on the road… so after a quick trip to Aldi (with which I am obsessed – and why don’t they have one in New York yet??) to get my mom some groceries, I was ready to hit the road. Just one little problem: When the movers showed up, my mom didn’t have enough cash to pay them, since they had quoted her about $500 LESS than the final cost. By the way, if you ever have to move, DO NOT hire Nationwide. They give you an estimate that is WELL below what it will end up costing you, and then when they show up with all your stuff, they slap down a bill for $500 more and hold your stuff hostage until you pay up. What can you do? They got you by the balls. So, I loaned my mom the money to pay the movers… which meant that I was left with a budget of about $36/day, after gas. My flight back home was not until 4 days later. So… I have to get back to Little Rock to catch my flight on Tuesday, I can’t move my flight, and I can’t stay with mom. I did what any sensible person would do, of course – I went on craigslist to look for a tent.

I immediately found a listing for a brand-new, still in the box camping set, bought for $100 from Wal-Mart. One 4-5 person tent, 2 sleeping bags, a cooler, a set of dishes, 2 camping chairs, and various accessories. I sent the lady an email saying I’d give her $75 and pick it up in the morning. She wrote back to say she had someone else who offered the same amount but would pick it up tonight. I wrote back and said $80 and I’ll pick it up tonight. Sold! So I kissed mom goodbye, hit the road, and met the lady at a Circle K a couple hours south of Chicago. All was exactly as advertised, and I loaded up my new camping gear and hit the road!

A few hours later I checked into a Super 8 in Dwight, IL. I was feeling the thrill of adventure, the open road, the prospect of sleeping my way around the Midwest in a tent under the stars… and then I sat down and crunched the numbers. Well, it turns out that camping isn’t free; in fact, it costs about $20 a night at KOA, maybe a little less here and there. So there goes more than half my daily budget of $36/day. Sitting in my Super 8, with a very noisy cricket chirping incessantly, I was suddenly very alone and terribly scared. How in the hell am I going to do this?